Saturday, May 23, 2009

Vuitton and Kids Team Up

Luxury retailer Louis Vuitton, perhaps most famous for the beloved, all-over monogrammed "Mom Bag" for which the company is justly famous, announced a new collaborative design effort this week. The retailer, in an effort to project a "younger, hipper image", has decided to team up with a local kindergarten art class in order to produce a number of groundbreaking accessories, including the "tribal" shoes pictured above.

Students in the class were provided with Elmer's glue, feathers, beads, sequins, and other materials, as well as several pairs of the retailer's platform sandals, and asked to "decorate".

While early efforts that included Lisa Frank stickers and glue-on purple rhinestones were considered "too avant-garde and ironic" for the venerable accessories producer, the Vuitton design team is confident that the later, more "primitive-looking" efforts will grace the feet of Vuitton afficionados for years to come.

Said the head of Vuitton's accessories marketing team, "Had we known that collaborating with a kindergarten class would be such a stunning success, we might have known that allowing children to produce goods for the luxury market for next to nothing was the way to go. Oh wait..."

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Paris in Gridlock After Doorway Jam-Up

Traffic in several major Paris fashion houses came to a standstill today as two rival fashionistas attempted to fit through a doorway while wearing the now-ubiquitous Balmain band jacket, resulting in a jam-up that lasted for several tense hours.

Police rushed to the scene with cans of Crisco and heavy towing equipment to attempt to free the two size zeros, whose massive shoulderpads had wedged them so firmly in place that they were ultimately cut free, resulting in over twenty thousand dollars of jacket damage.

Said one bystander, clearly shaken, "It was like watching cattle in a loading chute... only cattle with lots of bling and stilettos, and with, you know, more French swear words."

Fortunately, no one was seriously injured, although the explosive decompression of the freed shoulderpads was enough to rattle windows for several blocks around. Both women are currently in the hospital under precautionary observation, and are expected to undergo retail therapy after their release.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Olivier Fired Again

Former Nina Ricci designer and acclaimed creative mind Olivier Theyskens was fired again today from his new temporary job at a McDonald's just outside Des Moines, Iowa.

According to the owner, "He told me it was just a temporary thing, you know- out of fashion and into fry-cooking while he got things together."

However, even this simple job eluded Theyskens, whose originality, talent, and creative vision proved too much for the fast food franchise, sadly echoing his earlier high fashion dismissal. Says his supervisor, "He put together the familiar ingredients in ways we'd never seen before. No one could remember such originality- each thing he created was distinct and instantly recognizeable as his. Clearly, he had to go. That sort of behavior just can't be tolerated."

At this point, one must wonder what will become of the formerly rising star. One can only hope he will be able to rein in his ground-breaking tendencies in favor of the status quo, which will allow him to return to yet another hawkishly-watched, probationary position at a major design house where he can once again be replaced by someone best known for over-priced accessories should he prove obstinately original yet again.